by Judith Odendahl, MAEd., LSLS Cert. AVEd.
“Grandparents are a family’s greatest treasure, the founders of a loving legacy, the greatest storytellers, and the keepers of traditions that linger on in cherished memory. Grandparents are the family’s strong foundation. Their very special love sets them apart. Through happiness and sorrow, through their special love and caring, grandparents keep a family close at heart” (Unknown).
For parents and grandparents alike, the birth of a child is a time of anticipation and excitement, with dreams for life’s possibilities. A diagnosis of a child’s hearing loss can disrupt those dreams, causing a parent to react with feelings of shock, anger, sadness, and grief. There is much to learn, many adjustments to be made – it can be an incredibly stressful time for all involved. It is a time when parents of parents can provide the emotional and practical help that eases parental stress and lends to feelings of competence. It is a time to build loving relationships that are so critical in the life of a child. It is a time for families to come together and support each other.
Yet many times the parent/grandparent relationship during this time becomes an added stress in parents’ lives. Grand parents are going through their own process of grief, not only for their grandchild but for the parent, their child, as well. Because they are not typically involved in the day to day care of the child, grandparents are not privy to information and strategies regarding hearing loss and are sometimes confused. Because they are from a different generation, their attitudes and perspective about the child with hearing loss may be quite different from those of the parent. Grandparents may be over protective of the grandchild or overstep boundaries with parents and grandchild. Conversely, some grandparents may be unclear about boundaries and not want to interfere. Or perhaps they blame the parent for the child’s hearing loss or don’t know how to react or bond with the grandchild.
How then can families get to a place of positive support for each other that will ultimately enhance a child’s development and alleviate time and emotional stress for parents?
What Parents Can Do
– Actively involve grandparents in child’s life. Schedule time for child and grandparent to be together.
– Share your feelings and needs. It is only through insight and understanding that your parents can provide proper support and/or guidance.
– Lean on grandparents. Tell them how they can help you and your child.
– Define roles. Kindly, lovingly and clearly communicate what your values, beliefs and rules are as a parent. Be specific regarding what to do when grandparents are caring for your child.
– Celebrate the small stuff. Point out the positive and share the many things your child is ABLE to do.
– Keep them informed. Share pertinent articles/handouts, audiology results, doctor’s reports, etc.
– Have grandparents participate in sessions. Your therapist will be more than happy to involve grandparents in sessions or provide a session specifically for grandparents.
– Copy or request extra handouts for grandparents. Again, your therapist knows the value of having the whole family informed and on board.
– Encourage your program/therapist to host workshops for grandparents or a grandparent support group.
What Grandparents Can Do
– Commit to keeping the hearing technology on the child as specified by the parent.
– Respect the role of your child as a parent.
– Be open to learning about hearing loss and strategies involved.
– Ask how you can help.
– Understand challenges and focus on strengths.
– Attend sessions, workshops and support groups.
– Offer a strong shoulder and be there for your child.
– Spend active time with your grand child. Offer to babysit.
– Help around the house and with appointments as necessary.
– Enjoy your grandchild!
“With the birth of a child with a disability, parents have to adjust every aspect of their life. During this time of rapid change and considerable family instability, the success of parents can be enhanced by a new partnership with grandparents; a cooperative relationship in which each party comes to rely on the strengths of the other” (Coutts-Clarke, 1996).